hohoho

Merry Christmas y'all

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This week has just been so hard and challenging. It's really made me think twice about how I treat others and the things I joke about, especially about life. Never again will I say the words "I wanted to shoot myself/die" Earlier this week a girl from my school got into a really bad accident that cost her life. It really did hit me hard although I wasn't very close to her nor did I even say more than a few "hello"'s, but it's just so close to home and it's been so so so hard on everyone. She was still alive after the accident but she was in a vegetated state and her parents pulled the plug yesterday afternoon... It's so heartbreaking to hear things like that because how hard is it for a parent to lose their child? I couldn't even possibly contemplate what they're feeling right now. But I guess it was all in God's hands and I truly believe that she is with Him, celebrating everyday along with Him.

Aside from that, things at home haven't really been all the great. I went to MTC (Midwest Thanksgiving Conference) with my mom and dad this past weekend and of course I was really reluctant into going because my relationship with God per se has not been strong I guess is the best way to describe it. So, the whole time I was there I wasn't really into worship, the messages, the alter calls, I just didn't feel anything when all these people are so into it. I sometimes feel a little envious of them only because I know that's something I haven't felt in such a long time. I even considered to stop being a Christian and putting everything aside and start to do things my way. But, on the last night this guy I met over the summer at another conference came up to me and said he wanted to pray for me. At first it was about furthering my "talent" to play the guitar but it soon led onto something more personal. It hit me so hard and I was just so shocked and maybe a little weirded out on how he could possibly know how to explain what I'm going through by just simplymentioning "two strings that I'm trying so hard to tie together, when they're obviously not meant to be" I couldn't hold my tears back and I just started crying and by that time he'd already finished his prayer. I gave him the biggest hug I'd ever given anyone in my life after that! One of my really close childhood friends was there and she knew we had to talk... I started to pour everything out and I was so torn when I finally let it out and I just sat and started sobbing.

I don't know... you know how it's supposed to the the "most wonderful time of the year" ? Well, that's definitely not the case this year...:(

will you meet me halfway

Is it just me or has this weekend been way overdue. I've been wanting Friday to hurry it's ass up since Tuesday. Anyways, tomorrow is Halloween! So excited :)

the heart of life is good

So yummy, want some right now..

Sweet sixteen was on the 20th! Nothing special but I did have a lovely dinner with my family :)

D.O.B

Finally, I am 16. YES. I wonder what presents I'll be recieving...heheh :)



ugh if only I looked cuter in the face of these pictures, I'd be really happy...

Livin' in sin is the new thing

It's official, I'm the worst blogger in the world but whatevs. Last night was homecoming and it was really fun. Not sure if that's because I arrived tipsy or if it was just me being hyped. But whatever the case, it was fun. Yeah I definitely picked out my dress last minute, literally. but I like it despite it being simple.

love my girls <3

Livin' in sin is the new thing

I've come to realize how boring my life is, and how constricted I am to everything. Having strict parents may be a reason but another is that I'm in my own little world. So called "social norms" would be out partying with their friends or going out, whereas I'd rather stay at home and do nothing by myself or have my best friend over to have movie night just the two of us. Whenever going out becomes and option I kind of brush it off as a "no i can't" which drives everyone nuts. Well, my friends at least. My parentals probably love that idea.

I need to revolt and do something crazy before I become a total weirdo.

It's finally the weekend! I've been waiting for today for the past three days, which was proved to be true when I thought it was time to go home when I actually still had to go to 6th hour... oh gosh. I need to go shopping, it's been too long since I've gotten anything decent lately :(

I don't need to see it to believe it.

wow

Gorgeous.

School is right around the corner, and for once I'm really scared of it! I never want to go back to school yo.

This is the deep and dying breath

These past few days have been so glooomy,
I don't like it!

fringe binge

I'm pretty sure this is a must have on my list.

I need an intervention

Lately, I've been struggling with always saying no for no reason which is ironic because I hate it when people are like that. Other than that, I've been so lazy. Even going out is such a hassle to me because i just don't feel like getting ready, figuring out what to wear, blah blah blah..

But anyways, I just got home from church camp the other day and yesterday I went to my youth group and listened to all these testimonies of others. It was hard listening to how God had moved in so hearts at that camp, because I didn't get to feel those emotions. I really need to saddle down and prepare my heart for anything because I do believe there is a God and I suppose all I can do now is to keep the faith.

drooling

Seth: Nobody wants to be alone on Valentine's day.
Ryan: And you know this how?
Seth: Well, despite my manly exterior, I've got a heart of a 14-year-old girl...

I'm so obsessed with Adam Brody's character. If only people like that existed!

Logic will break your heart

photo credit: Jack Siegel

Today I feel so useless. Everyday the infamous phrase of "What do you want to do with your life," or "What are you planning to be when you grow up" seems to be dictating every aspect of my life. From people I barely associate with to those who genuinely give a shit. To be perfectly honest I'm so scared for the future. I have no idea what the fuck I'm supposed to do with my life. And quite frankly it sucks have people ask me from left to right what I want to do, because I feel like I've let them down when I say "I don't know". I'm pretty sure my mom is quite disappointed in me. I'm just someone who doesn't find interest in all those things that earn you big money. I want a laid back job that will get me through life. Obviously I'm not planning on being a bum or whatever. I want a decent job is what I'm saying. Nothing too shabby but nothing that requires me to absolutely want to kill myself and my boss. Ya know?

I never want to grow up, End of Story

Sorry this post is so so long, i needed to get it out..

I heard she broke your heart again

Getting lazy

I haven't posted much, so here are some oldies..

Trip to California

Photoshoot

hands down, she's frickin anazing

Kaya Kaya Kaya, I wish i looked like you!

We are all dust

“ slow down you crazy child, you’re so ambitious for a juvenile. but then if you’re so  smart tell me why are you still so afraid?

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Ah, ah, ah! I want all of these rings, hahah, so cuttte<3

sleeping lessons

I'm in great need of a good night's sleeeeep! I just want to sleep forever, only waking up for Jesus time and shopping for new attire. Which, I probably wouldn't have the chance to wear since I'd be hibernating for the rest of my life. Okay I'm rambling...bye

Uhhh, yeah

VAINity

Do you ever wonder how someone can wake up in the morning, get dressed, look in the mirror and say "Damn, I look goodtoday" when in reality, they look like a fool who just woke up, threw some threads on  and created an ugly ensemble. It never ceases to amaze me.

Anyway!  Today was a sunny, 75 degree day. Up until it started storming a freaking monsoon. 

Whatevs it sure beats the hell out of 20 in

ches of snow. 

From the bowery to the barbery coast

I'm pretty sure there's no way to express how much I hate school right now. All I want is summer vacation. Or something vacation. Anything would suffice right about now. Spring Break was pretty chill.

Aw, I love my brother<3I got to reconcile with my bff that moved to FL and left me here to freeze in snow, snow, snow...
But I'm not complaining, because it's so sunny and brilliant outside. I took a little nap outside while sunbathing, It was marvelous!

I want, I want

These dip-dye jeans. They're innovative, and it definitely jazzes up the whole classic skinny jean look with a twist. Obviously this is not the exact pair I want, since orange is not a favorite color when it comes to choice of clothing. Yeah yeah yeah, See I need to buy some white jeans and do that to them. Still deciding on the color, but it'll be on my list!

Some velvet morning

My dad and I took a spur of the moment road trip to Toronto yesterday. It was really pointless and irrational since we had no reason whatsoever. Like, really it was a total of eight hours driving just to be in an asian crowded city/mall. Seriously ridiculous but at least I now own a pair of these lovelies :)